A Letter to My Strong-Willed and Fierce Daughter – For All The Mamas With Wild First Borns
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I had my content planned out for the next few weeks. But this blog post or better yet, a letter to my strong-willed and fierce daughter was something I sporadically felt a strong yearning to write. And it may be due to my current first trimester pregnancy hormones. Who knows.
Or the fact that life truly has not been the easiest since my baby girl was born. But I’ve been doing a whole lot of reflecting on my life and what it’s become since becoming a mama, how fast time has flown, and the incredible growth and development I have gotten to experience first-hand raising Emory.
And I felt it in my soul to not just write this letter to my fierce daughter, but to speak for all mamas who are currently having or have gone through an incredibly hard time raising their wild first-born child of this unique motherhood experience of a lifetime.
Most People Don’t Understand
I used to catch myself explaining (or better yet, venting) to my friends and family about how insanely hard to console and untameable my daughter was as an infant. And I would always get the, “yeah, all babies are like that”, “babies grow out of it and so will she”, or “she’ll grow out of it”.
Or one of my favorites (sarcasm obviously) would be “oh she’s not that bad”. There is truly nothing more aggravating and upsetting than when the people closest to you friends or family, undermine your concerns and distress especially as a first-time mother.
You’ll feel a strong combination of hopeless and helpless
I used to raise my concerns to the pediatrician at practically almost every well-baby visit up until Emory’s 15-month well-baby appointment. And the pediatricians all gave me the same generic answers as the ones I said above.
And as a first-time mom to one fierce daughter, army wife that lived hundreds of miles away from family, and with a husband who was always at work, I have never felt so hopeless and helpless in my everyday life.
Friends would offer a helping hand and strangers would offer advice like how I should take my daughter to daycare for a little bit. But here were the conflicting problems.
How could I possibly allow myself to let other people handle situations that I, myself, had a hard time handling? How can I trust anyone but myself, the mother of my fierce daughter, to take care of her and give her the kind of positive affirmations she deserves?
You’re Breaking Point Will Evolve
I never knew I could get to my “breaking point”. And I also never knew that my breaking point could evolve as much as it has over the course of my wild first-born’s 17-months of life.
It started off with first reaching to the point where I felt trapped and suffocated. Then those things that led me to that breaking point turned into things I could easily start shrugging off. And now, it truly takes the devil himself to get me to my breaking point.
That is because my strong-willed, fierce daughter, wild first-born, has taught me to be more resilient than I never would have been without her in my life.
Check out Midnight Mom Devotional for more prayers like the one below.
A Letter To My Strong-Willed And Fierce Daughter – What You Have Taught Mama
To all of the mamas with a strong-willed and fierce daughter or son, this is a letter for you. God only gives us what we can handle. And I’d like to think He chose us to guide these fierce children to better this world we live in.
You make me a better person.
I used to obsess about things that were completely unnecessary or out of my control. I didn’t always say the nicest things, do the sweetest things, or was the best person. But raising you, keeping up with you, and loving you through all of the hardships have molded me into a better person that I wouldn’t have been able to be without you.
You teach me to have more patience.
You cried more than any baby I ever knew. I never wanted to leave the house with you or even go out in public with you because you didn’t like being contained. You made it so hard for mama to get daily chores done around the house. Or even have leftover energy to spare to prepare for the NCLEX so mama could be an RN and attend the Nurse Practitioner school I got accepted into.
But raising you, loving you, and feeling how much you needed mama made none of that matter even the slightest. There was no putting you in daycare or letting anyone watch you but myself. Because you chose me to be your person. And you taught this mama more patience than anyone or anything has ever taught me in my 28 years of life.
You’ve lit a fire in my soul.
I may have sunk into postpartum depression after a few months of you being born. And I may have felt the weakest I’ve ever felt in my life with my career on the backburner, losing myself to anti-depressants, and knowing the life I once dreamed of having to be nonexistent.
But without you, mama would not be half the woman I am today. More motivated than ever, finding other ways to be the good human I’ve always wanted to be without being away from raising my strong, fierce daughter, and feeling like my soul has been lit on fire. You have made me so hungry to be the best mother, wife, and human I never knew I could be or wanted to be.
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I can handle anything.
I carried you for 9 months all throughout my accelerated nursing program. I’d wake up as early as 3 am and go to sleep as late as 2 am to prepare for numerous exams back to back, waking up early for my hour and a half commute to clinical, and having the brainpower to pass my classes each semester. Little do you know that you are the reason why I pushed through and graduated with A’s and B’s.
And giving birth to you was the scariest time of my life. I should have known from that moment that you would come out as strong-willed and fierce as you are today. You cried, nonstop since you came out of my womb. You never let mommy sleep or go a moment without holding you.
My life has been a struggle these past 17-months of your life. But you are the greatest thing that I never knew I was capable of having. Because of you, I can handle anything. There is nothing this mama can’t handle because you taught me to be resilient.
I have the fiercest love.
I’ve never had anything or anyone clings to me as much as you have. You never give me a break. I can’t ever relax on the couch without you screaming and crying for my boob. You’re constantly needing me around the clock. And mommy is tired. Mommy wants to sleep in peace without you tugging on my nipples all throughout the night.
But mommy can’t even fathom being without you clinging onto me, screaming and crying throughout the day, and constantly needing me. You are my fiercest love. And my greatest love. One day you won’t be little anymore and needing me, tugging on me, and snuggling me throughout the night.
My First-Born and Fierce Daughter
My life might not be anything like I dreamed it would be when I was an adolescent. But having you, raising you, loving you has made my life even better than my dreams. My career and everything else I planned for my life may not have lined up with your plans.
But you, my fierce daughter, have placed even better plans into this mama’s hands. And this unique, motherhood experience raising a strong-willed and fierce first-born is an unforgettable experience and absolutely priceless.
To all of the mamas with babies and toddlers who can make your life much harder than you anticipated, you are not alone. We pray that God gives us the strength and power to raise these fiery, determined, strong-willed children to the best of our abilities.